NEVER HOPELESS

I remember this story of a little girl who had a mother addicted to drugs. The mother had no home and had been kicked out of every place they every tried staying and her boyfriend couldn’t hold a job to save his life. Turns out, the little girls life did depend on it.

The little girl was about three years old and was made to live in the back seat of an old Chevy Cavalier as her mother and boyfriend drove from store to store stealing whatever high dollar items they could to support their drug habit. There were no toys in the car, only wrappers and trash that had accumulated the way only neglect can accomplish. Cassey didn’t mind though. She was a happy and content child that had learned to just roll with whatever came along.

By now they were known to the local authorities and on one particular Friday afternoon their car was spotted in a supermarket parking lot and they moved in to investigate. Cassey was found to be wearing only a dirty T-shirt and underwear. One of the officers took her into a store and bought her clothing and food which, she happily wore and ate after being washed and cleaned up in the bathroom . It really pulled at your heart strings to see this beautiful little girl so happily going through the day as if this was normal. Her mother, surrounded by the police and she being clothed and fed by the cops. Although the young couple was found in the store with Cassey and everyone knew why they were there, there was nothing to hold them on so they were released. Cassey, now clothed
and sate, was grudginly returned to the grimy worn, torn back seat and settled into her plastic carseat which hadn’t even been secured. Who knows how many nights she slept there.

Finally the drug use and abuse had gotten so out of control that children and youth services were contacted and a judge issued an order directing that Cassey be taken from her mother and placed into foster care. All that was left to do now was for the police to catch up with them and take her.

It happened a few weeks later. Cassey was found in the car still wearing the T-shirt bought weeks ago but somehow now the car seat was not even buckled down. Her hair was dirty, face grimy and she obviously hadn’t had a bath in some time. It made me so angry as the order was produced and we listened to the mother’s cries and wails as she realized that her daughter was going to be taken from her. I was angry at the selfishness of those tears. But what struck me even more was Cassey’s reaction.

A child so small being gathered up into your arms is a feeling you will never forget. You are holding onto, and taking to yourself the very future, an intangible that suddenly has come into your grasp in such a beautiful and vulnerable way. You are able to hold in your arms a lifetime of hopes and dreams. A multitude of aspirations and yes, even failures. And so, most people do what they must, they protect. I held that baby that day and tears welled up in my eyes as not only did I reach and hold her, but she held me. I could feel her arms wrap around my neck as she looked into my eyes and smiled such a peaceful smile. I smiled but my heart was broken. I felt her tighten and then release one of her arms and turn in my arms, shifting as a child does to one of her holders arms, to her mother. She reached her hand out and patted her weeping mother on her head and said, “It’s OK mommy. They’ll take good care of me.” How did she know that? She had no idea what was to come, what the next day would be like. Her life was torn apart and I had to wonder what she had experienced that would make her respond in such a calm way when I had tears and she had none. Was it hope? Trust?

The role was reversed. Here was a small child comforting her mother, unaware of what was happening and yet assured that somehow everything would be OK. Many times I’ve wondered what happened to that little girl. My heart broke at that moment when i held Cassey and she uttered those words and I was struck by how hopeful she was, certain, that everything would be OK. Somehow, somewhere, we lose that. We get exposed to the worst in life and we forget that there is a hope that despite what we know and what we don’t see, things will work out. Somehow it’ll get better.

Whatever you’re going through, don’t worry. Rest here. Know that It’s ok to hurt and the pain is real. It made no sense for Cassey to comfort her mother. But it left an impact on my life in a huge way. So maybe it won’t make any sense now for me to say this to you, but it will be OK. Hang in there. Stay with me and we’ll find hope together.